Why Comparing Yourself to Other Moms Doesn’t Help—and What Does

When I first became a mom, I was full of dreams. I wanted to raise my daughter with love, security, and happiness. I wanted to break the cycle of generational trauma and poverty that had impacted my own upbringing. My goal was simple: I wanted to be a good mom.

But, somewhere along the way, I found myself trapped in a cycle of comparing. Comparing myself to other moms—whether in real life or on the internet—became an unhealthy habit. And, let me tell you, it didn’t take long before that constant comparison started to take a toll on my mental health and my ability to be the mom I truly wanted to be.

Maybe you’ve been there, too.

The Struggle of Comparison

I’m sure you’ve noticed it before—the moms on social media who seem to have it all together. They have perfectly clean houses, their kids are always in the cutest outfits, and they manage to whip up gourmet meals while keeping a smile on their face. And then there’s you, just trying to make it through the day with a pile of laundry and a half-eaten snack stuck to the couch. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Before I knew it, I was judging myself against these perfect versions of motherhood. I started to think that if I wasn’t doing everything—breastfeeding, cooking from scratch, creating Pinterest-worthy crafts, having my kids involved in a million activities, and looking like I had it all together—I was failing.

The problem? It’s impossible to do it all, all the time. And it’s even more impossible when we don’t have a clear picture of what other moms are actually going through.

The Power of Connection

As I started connecting with other moms, I began to realize something important: none of us are doing it all perfectly. In fact, most of us are just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And when I made a conscious effort to connect, rather than compare, everything changed.

I started talking to other moms and getting a real sense of their lives. I learned that the Pinterest mom with the perfect crafts was probably the same mom who didn’t care much about having a spotless house. The mom who seemed to have endless energy for family outings probably didn’t have a home-cooked meal every night. And the mom who always dressed her kids in the cutest outfits? Well, she might have been the one whose house was a bit of a mess.

It turns out that we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make anyone any less of a mom. It’s normal to have different priorities, different values, and different circumstances. And instead of beating myself up over what I wasn’t doing, I started embracing the things I was doing well.

Letting Go of the Perfectionism Trap

One of the biggest lessons I learned was that I didn’t have to do it all. I didn’t have to be the perfect mom who looked flawless while running a household, being an incredible cook, playing with my kids all day, and having everything organized to a T. The truth is, perfectionism only sets us up for failure.

When I stopped trying to be everything for everyone and just focused on being the best version of myself, I began to see a huge shift. The pressure lifted, and I started to feel more confident in my own skin as a mom.

I also realized that the things I thought were “perfect” about other moms’ lives weren’t always as perfect as they seemed. Every mom has her own story, her own struggles, and her own resources. And when you take the time to connect, you can understand those unique challenges and get rid of the judgment.

You Don’t Know the Full Picture

We’ve all seen the picture-perfect mom on Instagram, right? The one whose kids are always in adorable outfits, whose meals look like they belong in a cookbook, and whose home looks like it’s been styled for a magazine shoot. But what we don’t always see are the behind-the-scenes realities of her life. Maybe she has a huge support system that allows her to do it all, or maybe she has a team that helps her with the things she can’t do herself. Maybe she has more resources—time, money, or childcare—that enable her to juggle everything with ease.

And here’s the thing: once I started looking beyond the surface and getting to know other moms better, I saw the full picture. Some moms are able to keep their houses tidy because they have more time or fewer kids. Some have the energy to plan elaborate activities because they have help from family. Some have the patience to give their kids undivided attention because their circumstances allow them to.

But none of these things made them “better” moms. They were just doing what worked for them.

The Importance of Understanding Your Own Capacity

I spent way too long comparing myself to other moms without considering the factors that impacted their ability to do certain things. For example, I didn’t have the same support system that some other moms did, and I had to manage everything mostly on my own. I also had to balance work, motherhood, and taking care of myself—all while dealing with ADHD and a limited budget. And that’s okay.

The truth is, every mom has a different capacity. We all have our own struggles, challenges, and priorities that shape how we parent. And when I realized that my best wasn’t going to look the same as someone else’s, I began to feel so much better about myself.

It’s not about doing everything perfectly; it’s about doing what matters most to you and your family, with the resources you have available. And guess what? That’s enough.

A New Way Forward: Connecting Instead of Comparing

So, here’s the new rule I live by: Stop comparing, start connecting.

When I started focusing on building connections with other moms, I found that we all have unique stories and experiences. I began to understand that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to motherhood. Each of us is doing the best we can, and that’s something we should celebrate.

Instead of looking at what others are doing and feeling inadequate, I started asking questions and learning from other moms. How do they make things work in their own lives? What’s their secret to balancing it all? And, most importantly, what can I learn from them, not to copy their exact approach, but to find inspiration for my own journey?

The more I connected, the more I realized that we’re all in this together. And that’s a beautiful thing. We may have different strengths and weaknesses, but at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to be the best moms we can be.

You Are Enough

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s that you are enough. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to do it all. You just need to be the best version of yourself—and that’s exactly what your kids need.

When you let go of comparison and focus on connection, you start to realize that every mom has her own unique way of showing up. And that’s what makes each of us special.

So, if you’ve been struggling with comparing yourself to others, take a step back. Look at your own journey, your own strengths, and your own capacity. And remember that, in the end, good enough is always better than perfection.

You’ve got this, mama.

If this post resonates with you, let’s connect more. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Share in the comments below!

You’re doing amazing, just as you are.

— Katelynn